Departing at Varanasi railway station I was singing "So
long farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night". As I
did so someone approached me saying ‘hello friend’ and tried to take my bag off
my back saying something about how it looked heavy for me, and that they had a rickshaw.
In fact two guys tried this in the space of 2 minutes and both asked me
where I was going, my reply to the first was the toilet and to the second
Jaipur. Both walked away confused. I will return to Varanasi when it’s high season
as I’ve heard many amazing stories so have to give it a second chance but for
now I was delighted to be getting a train to Rajasthan. So, what did Rajasthan have to offer:
·
Pants
in my face
·
A
very saucy dinner
·
Octopussy
overload
·
Flossing
a camel’s teeth
·
Sexy
knees and skid marks
·
I
need your help……please read the last paragraph it’s important
For the first time in my trip I was travelling 2nd
class (AC2). I’d been travelling AC3 and
Sleeper class and hadn’t seen the need to splash out the extra cash but for
this nighttrain to Jaipur the waitlist in AC3 was +40 and AC2 was 5 which meant
I got a confirmed seat J. AC2
was quite the treat compared to AC3, I hadn’t envisaged so much more space, and
your own reading light; it’s the little things!
My compartment companions were ‘businessmen’ from Jaipur. No more details, just businessmen. One had a briefcase with perfectly folded shirts,
a massive calculator, sandwiches, Old Spice (player) and 15 pens. The pens were a backup to the 3 in the shirt
pocket. If there was a quick pen draw
equivalent to cowboy movies Indian businessmen would win everytime. I, however, didn’t call these lads
businessmen for long I called them the underpant boys. 5 minutes into the journey they both stripped
down to their jocks and changed their clothes.
They were not wearing old spice and had eaten way too many sandwiches,
even the extra space on AC2 still meant their bellies were in my face. Thanks Lads.
The rest of the journey was a breeze. I met two Canadian girls I’d met briefly in
Varanasi and we marveled over our Indian neighbours. Another one, an auntie of a ‘generous size’
had someone deliver food at every station.
She ate for most of the 16 hour journey.
Jabba the Hut is alive! They also
all commanded the Indian skill of how to answer a phone on the train by looking
at the screen for at least 10 slow seconds to establish that it is indeed a
phone in their hand (you know the way your gran does) then pick up and loudly
shout ‘helllo, hello, hello , hello’.
Similar to the Bye bye bye bi bi
bibibibi in Ireland. Kinda makes me miss
home.
As always the food on Indian Rail was a delight but I was a little
taken aback when I visited the pantry train.
The logistics were amazing and you’ll be pleased to hear that the
kitchen staff were wearing a hygiene glove.
One hygiene glove. On their right
hand. What the feck? Yes, I know the right hand is used to serve
but the left one always slips in to pad the rice down and that has been used
for ‘other’ stuff.
First stop in Rajasthan was Jaipur. I was travelling with Vasi, a friend from back
home which was a welcome break from doing stuff alone but took a bit of
adjustment to get to the pace of someone else. The most important thing was that Vasi bought wine :)
Rajasthan is India’s hub for tourists and having just come from Varanasi
I was expecting an onslaught of sales pitches but although they came, the
aggression and volume wasn’t there. The
season also made a difference. September
is the month to travel to Rajasthan, just before the high season in October so
still quiet and yet blistering blue skies every day. Jaipur offered a fantastic introduction to
the lavish Maharaja lifestyle with it's breathtaking palaces and impenetrable fortresses.
We avoided all organized tours but were sucked into a night tour by a
silver tongued agent at the Indian Railway government tourist office. It all looked legit and sounded amazing,
seeing the forts by night via the comfort of a Volvo air suspension (big deal
here!) AC coach. To our surprise this is
what turned up.
We spent 5 hours driving around on this. The ride itself was comfortable and the
breeze beat any AC system but it was just the tip of the iceberg of false
advertising. We went to a few palaces
then were taking to a shopping bazaar in the middle of no-were where we were
told we were under no obligation to buy.
Even the my moonwalking technique as perfected in Varanassi wasn’t gonna
get us out of this one. We were
stuck. I won’t bore you with the rest of
the trip other than to say that the Indian customers complained. That says a lot! A hidden gem that the tourist office did suggest was Abhaneri stepwell. Despite it being 3 hours from Jaipur and pretty much the only thing to see in the village it was a feast for the eyes....
Here's just a few of the other treats Rajasthan has to offer...
My favourite meal in Jaipur was Deshi Paneer. Very saucy...
It was at restaurants like this one that I started to see a
pattern. I was finally on a tourist circuit.
You’d see people arrive looking like they’d just been kitted out at
their camping shop in Milton Keynes, defending themselves by holding up a copy
of the Lonley planet infront of themselves whilst maintaining continuous re-hydration though sucking on their little camel pack. You’d spot them ‘fresh off the ferry’ (not
that there is a ferry to India…..but) asking for non-spicy food and constantly
eyeing the toilet door just incase the finest cuisine in the world gave them a
little fireworks display. The big
benefit was that it meant the cafes on the tourist circuit offered a lovely bit
of home comforts with big cushions, good porridge (I like porridge!) and
Air/Zero Seven pumping out of the speakers.
Next step Udaipur. My mum
took me to see my first Jimmy Bond film, Octopussy when I was 7. As James Bond films go this is a bad one but
gave me my first view of the wonders of India being located primarily in
Udaipur. The city is exactly as it looks
in the photos, one of the most romantic places I’ve ever been despite the only
romance in my life being my yoga mat every morning on the terrace.
The film Octopussy was shown in proper Indian style with the waiters stood in front of the screen and the movie image not working for 90% of the film.
Despite the best tourist facilities I’d come across in India,
Rajasthan didn’t offer a good connection between Udaipur and Jaisalmer. Most tourists get a car and a driver for
their trip but that’s not in my budget so we travelled via bus to Jodhpur and
then another bus to Jaisalmer. The first
6 hours provided a roller coaster of potholes and a driver who appeared to have
consumed amphetamines or be on the run.
As a result the door of the bus was soon surrounded by Indian women
pucking their guts up. Lucky for us we’d
had no time for breakfast. The afternoon
bus was 100% local meaning I was sitting in fetal position for 7 hours and when
the bus was quieter, the children were staring in amazement at my knees. Seems on my recent trip to Thailand I’d
forgotten some unspoken rules of rural india and not covered up my knees.
Just before we arrived in Jaisalmer a motorbike pulled out infront
of us, our escape route was to go head to head with a truck something which
we’d been doing all day and Indian style ‘just made the overtake’. This time,
however, the bus skidded sideways and abruptly came to a halt missing both bike
and truck. High fives all round and a
quick celebration. We were in the
desert, alive.
Here’s a brief example of overtaking from earlier in the journey:
In Jaisalmer we stayed in a hotel for 100RS /night. That’s about 1 euro and 20 cents for a
private room, bathroom and wifi. The
sheets might have had blood stains and the room an odor of sewage but it was
cheaper than breakfast! Jaisalmer is
built on desert a few miles from the Pakistan border so you have the serene
setting of clear sand dunes pierced by the patrolling Indian air force. Oddly the last time I’d seen desert was when
I was travelling in Syria 7 years ago and sadly that is all that will be
left of what is a beautiful country.
The desert was welcome respite after a solid day of bus travel
with traffic horns and street sellers. We
went on a camel safari and at one point I remember sitting under the shade of a
tree and only being able to hear the scribe of my pencil onto my journal, the
banter of our local guides and the bubbling of lunch stewing over an open
fire. I might be in the land of
meditation but I’m still lacking in mindfulness but at that point I felt I was
in paradise :).
The camels, however, had another idea.
Although they had cute telebubby names, Lala and Bala liked to show us
they were boss. Doing random dance moves
without warning made it feel like a white knuckle rodeo show. Luckily the views kept our focus along with
the need to focus on breathing through one’s mouth due to a case of the worst
camel halitosis ever. There is a
vegetarian argument for not eating meat based on it rotting in your teeth and causing
bad breathe. It doesn't ring true with
camels as they are 100% vegan yet their breath can be smelt a mile away.
Villagers in the desert:
My camel in a very rare stationary pose...
Sleeping under the stars in the desert was bliss. It is rare to get you own space and quiet in
India but this place delivered it in abundance. The only break to the peace was
my snoring companion and dung beetles which zoomed across just above
your nose every 5 minutes sounding like bi-planes (full of shite) just about to crash.
Sunset in the desert....
As we boarded our night train out of Rajasthan I reflected on the overwhelming majesty of the place and yet I'd only seen part of it. I hadn't have enough time to go to Mount Abu or Pushka so have an
excellent excuse to go back. Besides,
the next time I have a girlfriend I am taking her to Udaipur, staying in the
Lake Palace hotel and having lots of erotic sauce.
We arrived back in Delhi at 6am and I said goodbye to Vasi. She had been the worst wing man ever but the best person to keep me on the straight and narrow re. my life purpose and endure my stories on the long hours on the buses and trains.
I headed to a breakfast meeting with a friend who heads up TED
Talks India. Yes, I am still
working. I’ve a lot of my plate right
now including a couple of films and some very exciting projects with WaterAid
and KSV. The meeting that morning was
one of my least formal setups. I’d been
travelling for 13 hours, badly in need of a wash and despite it being the
executive lounge in Delhi Train station I was sat next to a snoring old
Auntie all dressed up in her sari laying out on the sofa and flashing her
ankles. Fair play to Mr G for putting up
with me in such a state, a very good meeting, possibly because Mr G is not the
sort of Indian to have pens in his shirt pocket.
As I write this I’m sat on a bus waiting in Jammu for a 7 hour trip to Amristar having just got out of a 11 hour bus from Srinigar. There is a line of beggars outside my bus window, some of the harshest disabilities I've ever seen. My life right now is amazing and yet people with Leprosy, polio, severe burns are all staring at me with pain knowing that, just my travel budget alone could solve many of their problems. I work with poverty and face this sort of situation everyday in India and don’t always give. You cannot, it’s impossible. However, if you read my last post about my dear friend Roopak in Rishikesh (orphan with polio) you’ll know he’s in a bad place right now. I was helping him out with living expenses and have plan for a sustainable programme for him and some tourists I gave money to took the money and never gave it to him. So, I’m asking you. I'm looking for help with his education for a music school. He has been attending classes at a famous school in Rishikesh and has been spotted as having amazing potential. I'd like to get his school fees covered for the next few years at a cost of c.120 euros/year. I could do this myself but I'd like to setup something with a few people so that potentially we could start a small charity to help kids in similar situations. This will be 100% transparent as I'm on the ground. If you would like to help this amazing boy who has been through considerable suffering please email smilingroopak@gmail.com and I'll be in contact directly with more details . Thank you x
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